Here It Is Again...

... yet it stings like the first time.

So... How many of you bet that this would be coming in the next week? How much did you bet? $10? $20? Well, you'd better pay up.

What happened? you ask.
My life is fucked. I answer.
Why so?
Because I have grown to hate two little words more than anything in existance.
What two little words?
"Just friends"
Oh...
Yeah.
I'm so sorry.
Why did it have to be him?
Because life's a bitch and then you die.

So those of you that stayed up until pretty much like 2 with me. I love you. Thank you so much. I... I freaked. He was my life. What do I do??? You guys... I feel like my life just ended. Brittney would be telling me to be sensible, and Groms and Reks would say all the right things to try and make me feel better. But that's not enough anymore. If I was an artist I would paint my feelings, if I were a poet I'd write a poem, and if I were a lyricist I would write a song. But I'm none of those. I'm Maddy. I'm probably going to be a dentist. I will lose all creative ambition. I'll turn into one of those mindless droids that get up, drink their black coffee, go to work, come home, eat alone, and then sleep. I DON'T WANT THAT! I just want to be happy and know that there's someone who likes me even though I fuck up a lot. I wanted it to be him...

• "I've been waiting for anything- desperately hoping that it was everything. Now it's nothing. I'm back to the start."
• So this is what it feels like to know that the one thing you wanted to experience in your life will never be a possibility. It fucking sucks, dude.
• Some idiot named Thomas Carlyle said that silence was more eloquent than words. Some genius named Maddy said shut the fuck up Thomas Carlyle, talking is what gets the job done.
• Oh, by the way. FUCK YOU 11:11. Way to get my hopes up, just to trample them like a herd of llamas. Yeah, llamas.

Breakeven by The Script

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst

She finally met a man thats gonna put her 1st

While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you

What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding

Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even even no

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you

What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces

(One still in love while the other ones leaving)

I'm falling to pieces

(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame.

Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains

Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in

Cos I got time while she got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you

What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and you're okay

I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces

I'm falling to pieces

(One still in love while the other ones leaving)

I'm falling to pieces

(Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even)